As a mom, I’m 11.

I’m going to officially declare February as the most complicated month of my life. Is that a thing? The most complicated month?

Remember this February in 2011? Whew.

But even when they are “regular” they are full of love and sad and brimming tears and bittersweetness. And this year, well, it was no different.

I spent the first half of the month in London. (Poor me, I know!) It was a fantastic trip – a touch of work, but mostly play – and I felt incredibly grateful for such a luxurious experience. But, as any mom knows, over 10 days away from home and away from your kids has its consequences and requires serious catch-up…even if they were under the super-awesome care of one of the world’s greatest grandmothers. (Thanks Mom!) So, five days after returning from Europe, we had a brand new 9-year-old in the house…cue hosting family parties and birthday breakfasts and herding a gang of kids all over a bowling alley for an afternoon.

Then, with less than a week to go before this year’s WWS RAOK Day, I got the flu. Again. (I suppose Type A had so much fun, Type B wanted to have a go… argh.) I tell you about all of this chaos because this year was a great reminder for me that, while parenting my oldest has never looked exactly like parenting my other two children, I’m most definitely still his mom.

Because, really, what else besides motherhood would make a woman with stubborn jet-lag, post-birthday-party exhaustion, certain-death-by-cough and a low-grade fever** even get out of bed, much less run around town inflicting kindness on people??!! And that, my dear friends, is how Year Eleven would begin…

Here they are, all in one place… Eleven for WWS RAOK Day:

First, my sweet, talented, awesome-teacher, sister-in-law had her whole wonderful class make these adorable little compliment cards…and almost everywhere I went all day I left them on windshields and public bathroom mirrors and stuck them in little hidden spots for just the right person to find. (And if you want some, but don’t want to be crafty, I got the idea from Erin Condren and hers are also gorgeous.)

 **Relax! I’m kidding about the fever part…it had been gone for a whole 12 hours before I exposed myself to the public…
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It was a grey, dreary day and I couldn’t resist these stunning flowers which I promptly delivered to my sons’ teachers, just because.

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I also stopped in at the library near our house and anonymously paid off some people’s library fines… I was so grateful that the sweet woman at the counter had particular people in mind who really needed the boost. I love it when that happens!

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Some more compliments along the way…

The next two RAOKs were in support of two great causes – Kiva, which does microloans across the globe and Free The Girls.org which provides jobs to sex industry survivors in developing countries. I’ve done two other loans through Kiva and it is so powerful to see the incredible progress made possible by such relatively small amounts of money!! Check it out.

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And if you have any drawers that are full of these (not cats!) you might consider sending off the ones you don’t ever wear to support Free The Girls. Because, seriously, slavery? How is this still a thing?? We should all be doing whatever we can to bring an end to such tragic nonsense.

For Number Six, it was more flowers to combat the dreary day. I placed fresh flowers on my grandparents’ graves and also about a dozen of their neighbors… including the graves of a 3, 4 and 6-year old. (heavy sigh) I have a thing for cemeteries, always have. Does anyone else share that odd attraction? They are so peaceful and full of interesting tales…

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Number Seven was four free rounds of bowling for the next crew of people to head into the Bowlero… free bowling – on a rainy Friday – who wouldn’t love that?

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Some more love for the parking lot….

Number Eight happened as I was leaving the parking lot of the bowling alley. It was raining and super, duper cold and, as a general rule, we Texans are fairly unprepared for both cold and wet. I saw this woman standing at the bus stop with the tiniest, brokenest umbrella ever to exist…and she was holding it sideways to try to make the wind blow it back down into position so she was totally getting wet anyway. I slammed on my brakes and jumped out and handed her the Green Giant which has lived all alone in my car for forever. I’m sure the Green Giant was happy to finally be of use!!

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Then we took the boys to get haircuts and we pre-paid for the next family who was coming in for haircuts, too. It turned out to be the next morning and I got the sweetest email from the mom of the little boy who was treated to the free trim. I love thinking about the ripple effect that happens when others let the gratitude and goodness flow out of them into the world around them – it’s one of my favorite parts of the day!

Well, also this munchkin with his newly trimmed hair! Those faint little freckles slay me.

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While we were getting haircuts, Ron was out buying a bunch of coats. (I’m serious, it’s cold here y’all!!) We headed down to the Salvation Army shelter and asked the volunteers to please give them to the people who need them most. (Even the really nice jacket that Ron tried to keep!) 😉

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And our final RAOK for the day (by this time I was nearly feeling human again!) was for our very kind waiter at dinner…for his special attention and patience with our two little tortilla faces, we left a 100+% tip. And that’s all eleven, folks!!

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At the end of it all, I’ll be honest, I felt pretty lucky to have pulled it off at all. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Grateful. Full. Loved. Supported. Ready to collapse. Bittersweet. You know, like a mom. This year had a different flavor to it, for sure, but I think it’s all part of this journey – continually figuring out how to evolve within the on-going transformation that grief brings. There is no end, no closure…there’s just trying to keep up with how it changes you and how those changes keep showing up.

I will never really be able to explain to you how much it means to have all of you – friends, family and even strangers – joining in the day with us. So many here and on Facebook wrote to me about their anticipation of the day, their own acts of kindness in Wheeler’s name, and their joy at watching the day unfold… it is beyond description, really, what this day has become for me. But I’m so grateful to have so many who share in it with me and the day is filled with many happy tears.

WWSAnd now, to my sweet Wheeler, happy birthday again!

It seems that each year this experience with you changes and grows and, in that small way, it is so much like raising your brothers – they won’t stop changing or growing either. You know, eleven years ago I wrote a letter to you for the memorial service and even in the fog of my shock and grief, it turns out I was able to articulate some things that have held up pretty well. Remember this?

“…you are teaching us so much without even being here – I’m humbled to think of how much we would have gained if only you could have hung around for a while – I know you would have shown us what life is really all about. I’m so sad that we are missing that.

I’m claiming this prayer for all of us – from Isaiah 61:

God will proclaim this to be the year of His favor over you…to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair…they shall be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

Thank you for being part of God’s plan for our lives – for making us stronger, like the “oaks of righteousness,” and helping to mold us into the people God hopes for us to become. You will always mark a huge turning point in our lives – one that I hope I can look back on someday with appreciation and understanding – someday when I’m not quite so sad anymore.

Please know how much you are loved and missed by all of us. I think of you constantly and expect that I always will. Your father and I can’t wait to see you again someday and when we do, I hope you will be proud of us.

Until then, all my love –

Your Mom”

How about that? I can definitely testify to the beauty and gladness and praise that have grown out of our mourning and despair. These birthdays with you are so much about the display of His splendor in our lives…and I had no idea what that would really mean when I wrote that over a decade ago. Thank you for continuing to teach me and for continuing to let me see your legacy at work in the world. I can’t imagine being any prouder of you and your sweet little life than I am today. But, hey, I know it’s motherhood, so it’s gonna keep changin’, right?

All my love for all time –

Mom

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12 thoughts on “As a mom, I’m 11.

  1. Mary Jarvis

    Also, your Mother shared your story that week in Bible Study and lives were touched. Blessings sweet Mother as you continue this journey.

  2. Barb Gilliam

    Again, you outdid yourself. When we do whatever we do in our deceased loved ones’ names, they are remembered and enjoy immortality. We who are still here have that obligation to remind the masses that THEY LIVE…..

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